The secrets we hide in the dark
by Hananiah
Summary: SLASH Poppy's dying and Phil and James are soulmates. As Poppy prepares to leave her old world behind James and Phil must decide what else must change
1. Chapter 1

Title: The secrets we hide in the dark

Disclaimer: Characters belong to LJ Smith. This is a work of fandom, I am pretty sure this isn't what she had in mind when she wrote these characters

Spoilers: Secret Vampire

Rating: PG 13

Notes: Set after James reveals he is a vampire to Poppy and has fed off her the first time.

This is in need of being beta read please help

My sister has cancer and it's terminal my sister has cancer and it's terminal, my sister has

"I need to talk to you."

Phil's chaotic, jumbled thoughts came to an abrupt end as James Rasmussen grabbed his arm and yanked him further down the hallway.

"You've heard." It wasn't a question. Phil could only nod dumbly, there were no words only a deafening silence that Phil feared he would be hearing for the rest of his life.

James made a furtive gesture, making sure no one was in earshot, coming clean had been hard enough with Poppy, his best friend for much of his life, doing it with someone who made it clear that they didn't like him was harder, but if he wanted to save Poppy then he needed Phil on his side.

"I need to tell you something and you aren't going to like it, you're probably not even going to believe it but I need you to suspend your disbelief for twenty seconds."

"What the hell Rasmussen?" Phil managed to form a coherent sentence, he couldn't deal with James's weirdness right now.

"I need you to listen to me"The urgency forced Phil's mind back to the present.

"I'm not like you."

"That's not news." Phil said tersely. He didn't want to waste words with James Rasmussen when he should be thinking how to comfort his sister, how to ease her pain, and if he were honest, how to deal with his panic.

"No I mean I'm not like you. I'm not human"

Phil's hearing had obviously gone funny, maybe it was shock, but he couldn't have heard what he thought he did.

"I'm a vampire." James said into the silence when it was cleat Phil wasn't going to answer him. He forced himself into Phil's line of sight, making the human boy see him, to listen to him.

He let out a harsh breath when Phil just stared at him. He took one of the metal chairs and turned it upside down and twisted one of the legs. He knew it was something no human could do, Phil would have no choice but to believe him.

"What the hell is your problem?" Phil choked out. His face had turned ashen but his green eyes burned into James. "You think it's funny to do this when Poppy's in there, knowing she's going to die?"

James put the chair down, overwhelmed by Phil's anger, he wondered briefly at how well Phil was taking the news but perhaps it was simply the unthinkable had happened, compared to what Poppy was facing, what did it matter if James was a vampire.

"Connect the dots." James hissed. "I'm a vampire I am stronger, faster, I don't have diseases I can save Poppy's life."

"I don't believe you."

"What don't you believe that I'm a vampire or that I want to help Poppy?"

Phil's answer was belligerent silence. James let his face change, knowing that his canines were lengthening and that his eyes were turning an unnatural silver colour. Phil stared, he was transfixed. James knew he had made his point. He let his features soften back to human form. Phil scowled, not liking what he had seen but forced to accept it.

"Okay. Okay, so what? You change Poppy into a vampire and then what? She can't stay here, I mean people are gonna wonder how she survived a terminal disease" He still couldn't quite make himself say the C word.

"I can take her away, so she'll be safe, there are people like me, she'll be one of many."

"How many more?"

"More than you can imagine, we're completely integrated into your society and you don't even know it."

Phil swallowed hard. He should be screaming, yelling that James was crazy but he couldn't. He didn't have the strength, if Poppy could have this disease and die from it and they not even realize she was sick why couldn't James be a vampire? And what was the alternative? Against his will Phil imagined Poppy spread out in her coffin, her skin pale and lifeless and then he imagined trying to carry on without her, knowing she was dead and wishing he was too. Would it be better knowing she was alive, at least in some form?

"You told Poppy already?"

"Yes."

"And she agreed?"

"Yes."

"Then what do you need me for?"

"This isn't an easy process, Poppy's body is going to die."

Phil's body convulsed and he steadied himself against the wall.

"But she's going to get better, she'll die as a human and then she'll wake up. I don't want her to go through this alone."

"I just....I can't....It's too big, and I'm trying..."

James's face remained impassive but he felt the other boy's pain, it practically poured off him. Phil's legs gave way and he slid to the floor. James didn't offer a hand up, not yet, he knew Phil needed this, needed to get his focus. Finally Phil's shoulders squared and he looked firmer.

"I'm ready."

James bent down and grabbed Phil's wrist. They didn't like each other but it really wasn't about them, they would join together for Poppy, Phil just had to keep reminding himself that....his thought was cut off as James's strong hand wrapped around his wrist. An electric charge thrummed through him, as if he were sitting right next to Poppy's speakers as she blasted the Netherlands skippy dance at full volume. It reverberated through him, he could feel it settle on his chest painfully.

They were frozen, neither able to pull away, the thrum wrapped around them, pulling them close. A heartbeat turned into a roar and suddenly he knew it was James's heartbeat he was hearing, knew it as if James had told him himself. James seemed to be having trouble staying on his feet, he lurched forward crashing to the floor next to Phil, their foreheads were inches apart both breathed heavily through their noses, trying to gasp air. Inch by inch they were getting closer, dangerously close, a voice in Phil's head yelled but he couldn't care, but he couldn't move either.

With a growl, James yanked Phil's head against his own none to gently. Phil winced as his skull collided with James's but the pain was soon replaced with a wave of pressure so strong that it took his breath away. Something was tugging at him, tugging something inside of him now he and James were finally connecting skin to skin. Phil breathed in the spicy scent of James, somehow familiar despite the fact that both boys tried as hard as possible to keep out of each other's way, he shouldn't have a clue how James smelled, but he did, as well as he knew his own.

He could see images now, images of his childhood, images of Poppy and James together and somehow that hurt, a deep, bone deep hurt that made his whole body ache. He didn't want to see James and Poppy together, he turned away, feeling the tension leave him, and it gave him back his rationality. What the hell was he doing? He was in a public hospital corridor for Gods sake. He could feel the beat begin to fade, the driving force of the beat bringing them together had dimmed as if someone had pressed mute. His ears rang as he finally wrenched free. He took in large gulps of air as if he had been underwater, he felt as if he had been saved from drowning. He untangled himself from James, prising his reluctant fingers from James's wrist, he could see white fingerprints on his wrist from where James had held him. He didn't look to see if James had any on his arm. It didn't matter. Whatever the hell that was it was over, he looked away, embarrassed. He forced himself to focus on what was important.

Poppy.

They both loved Poppy, they had to save her.

The haze lifted from Phil, he knew what he had to do now. He risked a glance at James, who was looking expressionlessly at his arm.

"I want you to help Poppy. I need you to promise you'll take care of her."

"I always have."

Phil forced himself not to reel backwards, he knew James would say it, had expected it, heck the images in his mind were clear enough to anyone. James loved Poppy, whatever had happened between them had to be a fluke.

Phil made himself believe it.

An hour later James still hadn't left the hospital even though Poppy's family had gone home and Poppy herself was sleeping fitfully in her room.

He couldn't stop his mind from going back to the scene in the hallway. He knew what had happened, everyone knew the rumours about soulmates but James hadn't believed them, and he certainly wouldn't have believed it could happen between him and Poppy's brother, but it had and now he was trapped.

The experience was beyond his understanding and his experience. The things he felt went against everything he had believed, both of himself and his world.

Phil had seen inside of him, the most private places but he hadn't stuck around, he had barely scraped the surface, seen only James's outside emotions for Poppy. James told himself he was glad, Phil wouldn't try it again. He could focus on Poppy, on doing the unthinkable to her.

He made himself believe he could shut out what had happened. There was simply no other choice.


	2. Sleepless

Phil stared up at the ceiling, watching the pattern blur before his eyes. He felt his eyes begin to moisten in response so he blinked quickly to relieve the pressure behind his eyes. It was proving to be a long and sleepless night. He doubted his mom and Cliff were getting much sleep. Or Poppy. He refused to think about whether James was able to get any sleep.

He was still in denial, that was probably the reason why he was taking things in with this calm, detachment. It had to be. Otherwise any sane person would go running screaming in the streets. The decision had been taken out of his hands, Poppy had already decided what she was going to do. It made him sick to his stomach to think about it...about Poppy being that way, Like James.

His mind quickly turned away from the images it was creating. He didn't want to picture Poppy that way. He wanted to see him beautiful, obnoxious sister as she always had been. A deep part of Phil told him that he didn't want to see Poppy with James.

Everything was rushing past him in a blur, he didn't know what to hold onto anymore. There were no signposts telling him what to do, he was adrift and alone, and he could only imagine what Poppy must be feeling, knowing that life was slipping through her fingers like sand and knowing her only chance was to leave behind her family and become a monster.

Phil shut his eyes. She wasn't going to be a monster. James wasn't a monster. Not really. No matter how much Phil wanted to paint him as one. He had never hurt Poppy and even if it had been obvious to anyone with two eyes in their heads that Poppy was head over heels in love with him and he had continiously ignored that fact didn't make him evil. Just stupid.

Phil liked to be in control but it felt like everything was moving around him, while he remained stuck to the same point. Poppy was changing and not only into a vampire, she was so much... more now. She was so smart and brave and wise, that Phil felt like a child whenever he looked at her. She knew so much and she was willing to put her trust in James.

Phil blew out a breath is disgust. He seemed unable to keep his thoughts away from James. A month ago he would have been able to pinpoint why with less accuracy but the hot, unpleasant feeling that churned in his stomach had a name: Guilt.

He had been inside James' mind however briefly, had kissed him, all the while knowing how Poppy felt about him. He had betrayed his sister at the worst possible time, when she needed him to be strong and dependable. Phil gave himself a mental shake. He had to deal with it, there was simply no other choice. Poppy was going to become a vampire and James was going to do it. He could either suck it up or risk losing whatever time he had left with Poppy. No matter what he thought or felt Poppy was going to need James, need his strength and even though he hated it, he knew it was the only option. Poppy was moving further away from him, he could see her walking further along the road, alone and even as he reached for her he could feel her slipping away.

His eyes burned but he was all cried out. He had to focus on the coming days, he couldn't go back. None of them could.

They could only move forward into the unknown.

Poppy stared at the formless shape of her mother in the chair beside her bed. She could feel the changes inside her, feel the particles that made her slip and slide as she was transformed. She was terrified and exhilerated at the same time. Just because she knew she would wake up didn't make the process of dying any easier. Knowing she was leaving behind everyone she loved was worse.

A new world was opening up before her, she could see the door, could see the edges of daylight, somewhere her no one else could go except her. It was private. She shuddered at the thought. But she wouldn't be alone. James would be right by her side, he cared about her, he would show her how to survive, how to live. The new Poppy would know James in a way that no one else would, they would be the same, they would be together.

She wanted to tell her mother everything in that second, to share this scary, exciting new world Poppy could feel herself entering but she knew she couldn't. Her mother would never believe her, it would only cause her pain. She could only hope that once she was gone her mother could believe she was in a better place and happy.

And Phil. Poppy's heart twisted in her chest. He was being so brave and noble, even though she could see his revulsion at what she was coming. He didn't understand, or maybe he understood to much. Poppy couldn't tell. She frowned, searching her feelings. Whatever was in James' blood had made her hyper sensitive, she could feel everything and everyone with hardly any barriers. There had been a surge of guilt inside James, somehow related to her, but not to her cancer. She tried to follow the thought to it's conclusion but her brain was humming blank and she let her eyes fall shut in exhaustion.

James stared at the walls of his apartment, as if the blank walls would suddenly offer some inspiration. The process had begun, it was too late to turn back. He had given Poppy a second dose of his blood, she was already half vampire, it would take only one more time and it would be done. He shut his eyes, thinking of his best friend, see her warm and happy on the beach, listening to music, talking, complaining about homework. It wouldn't change. Nothing had to change really. Poppy was going to get better, she would be able to do all of that and more. Phil's image, his disgust flitted through James' head and every bad thought he had about what he was seemed to be magnified a thousand times. He was lying to Poppy, pretending to feel something for her that was false. He loved her as a best friend but that was as far as it went, and although he had never promised her anything he knew he had led her albiet unconciously to believe they could be something more. He would never abandon her, he would teach her how to be a vampire in the Night World, but he couldn't give her what she wanted.

She was losing everything and everyone she loved and she was baring it so well, she was frightened but she was hanging on, believeing that it was worth it. Her passion for life overwhelmed him, he was so proud of her. He wanted to love her. He should love her.

As if drawn he moved into the living room, feeling the heartbeat behind his door before the knock sounded. Feeling centuries old he opened the door, not surprised to find Phil standing there, even though it was two in the morning.

"Can I come in?" The other boy's voice was rough, as though he hadn't been using it for a while. James stepped back not trusting himself to speak. The room felt instantly charged as it had done in the hospital corridor, the tension in his shoulders and his legs making him feel unsteady and unbalanced.

"I need....I need...to"

Phil came to a stop.

"I can't."

It didn't make any kind of sense, but James could feel his intent, feel the desperate need in the words, felt them deep in his bones. Phil didn't need to finish, James knew.

The punch came out of the blue, it wasn't hard enough to knock James back physically but the sensation of Phil's skin against his own sent him rocketing back against the wall. James reacted on instinct to the implied threat, grabbing Phil's shoulders and slamming him against the wall.

"Tell me we can't." Phil's voice was scratchy and hoarse and desperate.

"We can't." James parroted uselessly, feeling the truth in the words. But even as the strength ebbed from James it seemed to reassert itself in Phil. The human boy drew himself up.

"You're gonna take her away so no one knows her right?" Phil asked.

"Yes."

"I...God, the way I feel, like I've been hit my lightning or...I think I'm going crazy."

"You're not crazy."

"Then why do I feel this way? Why do I feel this way about you." Phil demanded.

"Its not your fault. And it's not mine." James said quickly when Phil looked like he was going to argue. "When I'm gone you won't feel it anymore."

"I don't care. I just want you gone. I want you to take care of Poppy."

"I will."

Phil turned away, walking towards the door once again and the urge to grab the human boy was almost unbearable. James had never suffered from the possessiveness that some vampires had shown but now he felt it with every beat of his heart. Phil was his.

"Don't come back here."

Phil didn't look back and James was glad.

"I won't."


	3. Chapter 3

"Hey Poppy; how're you feeling?" James murmured softly. Poppy blinked sleepily, in the darkness she could make out James' clean, handsome features and she smiled automatically in response.

"Okay. I feel...weird, like my body...it feels like it's changing."

"It is changing," James reassured her. "And you're doing great."

"Is it time?"

James nodded, kneeling down beside her bed. "Yes Poppy. Are you ready?" His voice was soothing and gentle, but there was something tight, something suppressed inside of him. She tried to get a grip on it but James smoothly covered his thoughts.

"Don't worry about me," he chided gently. "Just focus on the blood and relaxing. Okay?"

Poppy nodded trustingly. James gently squeezed her hand, focusing on Poppy intently. Her green eyes burned into his, he felt suddenly uncomfortable, as if she could see inside of him.

"Can I ask you something?" Poppy asked seriously. She was biting her lip intently, something was on her mind.

"Sure, Poppy, anything."

"I know you and Phil haven't gotten on in the past and I wanna say that I'm glad that you've buried the hatchet." She paused as if she were contemplating how to vocalise her thoughts. The mention of Phil set his stomach muscles clenching painfully.

"What about Phil?" James asked carefully.

"He's acting really weird."

"We're all under a lot of stress. I mean it's not exactly and ideal situation for any of us." James said.

"It's not about me; or not just about me." Poppy said slowly, thinking it out, she was looking over James' shoulder at the wall. James was glad; he didn't think he could lie to her face.

"I'm thinking about all the things I'm leaving behind. And it's easy for me, I mean I'm gonna have a whole new life, but Phil has to look after Mom and Cliff. He has to lie to her every day."

"Phil's good at that."

"I know. But he shouldn't have to. I just wish I could tell him that...that I'm grateful for everything."

"He knows." James assured her.

"Has he said anything to you?" Poppy asked looking straight into James's eyes and James shifted nervously. He would rather have another meeting with his parents then have this conversation.

James had to clear his throat twice. "Phil and I aren't exactly best friends Poppy."

"I know but I feel that we've been thrown together and you've been hanging out more. I just thought..."

"You need to focus on you right now, Poppy, okay?" James said urgently. "Phil and I are here for you. We can't do this for you, only you can do this and I want you to know that we are here for you every step of the way."

"Hey."

James jerked back as Phil appeared in the doorway. He looked tired and drawn but his usual composure was intact. From the bed, Poppy beamed at him and her smile drew Phil fully into the room. He stood next to James but he gave his full attention to his sister.

"How are you feeling?" he asked gently.

"Better; I feel better already."

"You look better." Phil agreed.

"It's the vampire blood in your system Poppy but soon you are gonna feel sick and then..."

"And then I'll die," Poppy finished; she looked straight at the boys without fear "I know the cost."

"We should start," James said softly. Poppy nodded solemnly drawing herself up in bed. James sat down beside her, rolling his sleeve up. Phil swallowed heavily.

"I'm gonna go wait downstairs."

"Don't go far," Poppy said. Phil smiled and gently kissed her on her forehead gently.

"I'll stay close by."

"I know; I know you don't trust James with me," Poppy joked, her green eyes lighting up with a glimmer of the old Poppy spirit. Phil and James tensed, neither looking away from her. Phil cleared his throat audibly, and when he spoke his voice cracked.

"I'll let you guys..." He trailed off meaningfully and with one last glance at Poppy gently shut the door behind him.

"You'll talk to him...after; make him see that it's the right thing to do?" Poppy pressed.

"Knowing is one thing, Poppy, but actually witnessing it is something else. I don't blame Phil for not wanting to be around right now."

She shuddered as James drew her hair back away from her neck and carefully bit into her neck. She still wasn't completely comfortable with the feeling but the closeness to James was amazing. She felt as if she knew her best friend inside and out now and that made her joyously happy. She could feel his mouth on her neck, slowly taking her blood and as he promised she was starting to feel the affects. He held her still as he let her go and then guided her to his wrist. The first taste was always a strange mix; not pleasant but not revolting. Perhaps when she was a vampire she would enjoy it more.

Poppy never got tired of being in James's mind; it was beautiful and alien but somehow familiar. A stray thought hit her 'I wonder what Phil's mind would be like?'

Up to then James had been slightly apart from her, allowing her time to explore but not engaging her, now he snapped back protectively but not before light shone in the deepest part of him and with a sense of understanding Poppy suddenly knew why things had been so weird for the past few days. For a moment she felt as if she had been doused with ice cold water, all her nerve endings seemed alight and she felt as if she couldn't draw an even breath. Somehow she couldn't make herself be surprised, the pain was a dull ache, her childlike dreams ripped to shreds and fluttering around her like wrapping paper. The heartbreak of knowing James wanted someone else wasn't new, she had watched as he had dated other girls for most of their lives but knowing that the person he wanted was her own brother was a bitter pill to swallow and for a moment, Poppy feared she couldn't get past it. But his mind was wrapped around her tightly, protectively and she could feel how much he cared, how much he hated having to do this to her, and his complete denial over how he felt about Phil and suddenly her anger fell away. James was battling against his feelings and Poppy was awash with pity for him, for how lonely he seemed and a lingering sadness that she wouldn't be the one to fix it.

The pain that both James and Phil were inflicting upon themselves was worse then how betrayed Poppy was right now.

Her natural instinct was to reach out and comfort him, but as if had sensed he had revealed to much he drew away from her and Poppy was left with an ambiguous sense of loss as she felt herself return to her body. She blinked several times, seeing James with new eyes.

James gently pulled her away. Poppy watched him curiously, trying to figure out if he knew she had peeked. He looked stressed and uneasy. She waited for him to call her out on it.

"Are you okay?" James asked gently, "I didn't scare you."

Poppy laughed lightly. "You could never scare me, Jamie. Not really."

He seemed to breathe a sigh of relief. "So you didn't see any of my deep, dark secrets?" he asked jokingly.

She could say something now, she knew. But she didn't. It wasn't her business. It was between Phil and James. She felt something in her heart shatter but a deeper part of her was somehow relieved as if a piece of a puzzle had finally been put into place.

"I knew you liked Annabella Atia's music really." Poppy smirked, feeling her mind start to cloud and her thoughts begin to run together. James rolled his eyes at the familiar teasing.

"I like the one song. And you can never tell anyone." He mock threatened. Poppy's smile turned dreamy.

"I promise," she whispered.

James's expression turned more serious. "It's starting Poppy. So I'm gonna tell Phil. Okay?"

Poppy nodded, "You should tell Phil."

James paused, staring at her, but Poppy's eyes were already beginning to close. Phil wouldn't get much time with his sister if he didn't hurry. James gently brushed the inside of her wrist with a finger and then stood up.

Time to finish the charade.


	4. The Last day of my old life

Phil squeezed his mother's fingers reassuringly, wishing that she was able to give him some comfort, but he knew it was impossible. His mother was distraught, and Phil didn't feel that far behind her. The only comfort was...no there was no comfort; he was trying to talk himself into something that didn't exist.

He bounced on the balls of his feet, feeling an itch below his skin. He couldn't make himself look at Poppy, lying so still and cold. His mind refused to wrap itself around the cold hard facts. He forced himself to breathe, even as his lungs protested. He felt as if were being held underwater, his lungs slowly filling with water, waiting to die, but death remained elusive and all there was pain, while his lungs burned.

One of Poppy's friends wailed, a high pitched sound that Phil thought could actually shatter glass. He wanted to offer comfort but there were no words. It wasn't as if he could say 'don't be sad, Poppy's not really dead, she'll be up and walking around soon, sucking people's blood.'

He glanced at the clock, willing the time to go faster whilst alternatively wanting as much time with his sister as possible. He didn't really know how he had survived the last couple of days only that he had. There had been no other choice. James had kept away after Poppy and Phil's mom had found Poppy, and Phil had the uncomfortable feeling of being abandoned.

A dark blue suit caught his eye and the air exploded into his lungs and suddenly it felt as if his body had been kicked back into life. It was a physical thing, drawing Phil out of his misery and allowing him to focus. James stood, a little off to the side, his cool grey eyes hooded and brooding. No one approached him with condolences even if he had been Poppy's closest friend. James's closed expression stopped them cold. For some reason it had the opposite affect on Phil. Their eyes met across the room and something sparked in the air, but instead of the attraction that had defined their earlier meetings this was one of mutual sadness and regret.

Phil tore himself away and moved blindly towards the kitchen, glad for the reprieve. He gulped down a glass of water and tried to find something to hold onto. Something that he could trust. He didn't hear the door bang behind him, didn't even register James's presence until James was behind him. He didn't even have the energy to jump in surprise. He wasn't surprised. Just tired.

"You need to be ready," James said.

Phil blinked dumbly, unable to find a context for James's statement. James locked a snarl behind clenched teeth and leaned closer, his voice a whisper. Phil reeled back on instinct but there was no where to go.

"Poppy," James stressed as if Phil was being stupid on purpose. "She's gonna wake up and you don't want her to be alone when it happens. So we have to be there."

An image of a graveyard rose in Phil's head along with the image of himself and James digging up a grave. Poppy's grave.

A wave of revulsion hit Phil and he doubled over, feeling bile rise in his throat.

As if it were against his will James grabbed his arm and steadied him, grasping his forearm in a steel grip that was strangely comforting.

"Okay. Okay," Phil said slowly, clawing back some of his sense "okay."

James looked at him, watching Phil mentally collect himself. He didn't let go of Phil's arm this time.

"I'm sorry about bailing for the last few days but I didn't want to draw attention to myself."

Phil's mouth gaped in horror. James knew? James knew how empty Phil had felt without James around? It was the final humiliation.

"Phil..." James sensed Phil's distress even if he didn't know the cause. Everyone's emotions were yo-yoing madly and James could barely keep up, his own emotions churned violently in his chest, mirroring the storm in Phil's.

"Are you staying for the whole...thing." He couldn't bear to say the word funeral, even if it were on a loop in his head. He carefully extracted himself from James.

James glanced behind Phil; he knew that James was looking at Poppy by the flat, expression on the vampire's face.

Phil waited impatiently until James looked at him, and then wished he hadn't. There was a dark emptiness in James's face, but somehow it was better then the cloying platitudes everyone else seemed to need to give him. Phil didn't want to admit to the wild thumping of his heart so he closed his expression down to neutrality and shrugged offhandedly.

"Do whatever you want," he turned his back on James and walked back into the fire. He could hear James behind him, keeping his distance but remaining close enough that Phil felt a warm shaft of pleasure/pain in his stomach. He sat down next to his mother, drawing her close. He felt as if he could only give leave to his emotions for a small window of time. This moment belonged to his mother.

James watched the back of Phil's head; it was the only place he could look without feeling the dull ache of guilt at what he had done to Poppy, and by extension Phil. He didn't want to come here, but he knew that as Poppy's best friend he had to show his face. He couldn't bear to see Poppy, dying as a human, and for a moment he panicked. He had no idea if this whole plan would work, if Poppy would ever wake up. The idea terrified him.

He pushed his fears away. It would work; it had to, there was no alternative. He pictured Phil's face if Poppy remained lying in her coffin, dead. He then pictured Poppy as Phil's imagination had created, as if she were some Hollywood monster. He pushed the image aside with difficulty. Throughout the service James kept his eyes on the back of Phil's head it was the only way he could keep those images out of his head.

Phil was already standing at the foot of his driveway, dressed in jeans and a hoodie when James came to meet him. They didn't talk on the drive over to the graveyard. In the cool night air Phil shuddered as James took tarps and shovels out of the back seat. For a moment Phil looked dumbly at the other boy until the truth swept over him in a painful wave. He swallowed his disgust and followed James into the graveyard.

A tremble ran through Phil's legs as he stood on the edge of Poppy's unmarked grave. Images of horror movies filtered through his brain. He watched for a moment as James started to work. Feeling numb Phil took up a shovel and began to dig. Before he was ready James hit something that echoed and they stopped. James opened the lid and Phil couldn't take his eyes away from the grave.

James leaned over Poppy whispering in her ear. A loud crashing noise sounded in his ears, Phil couldn't move, couldn't think in that sickening moment, waiting for something to happen.

Poppy's eyes flew open, startlingly green in the darkness. She sat up slowly as if James had woken her up out of a deep sleep and she needed a minute to clear her head. It was so familiar that Phil felt both horrified and relieved. Without thinking he grabbed Poppy and hugged her to him, holding her close. She was alive, and she was Poppy, wriggling in his embrace like she had many times in their lives. He drew away, unable to wipe away the stupid grin on his face even if he tried. James helped Poppy out of the grave, which she regarded thoughtfully.

"How do you feel?" James asked Poppy. Phil suddenly felt like an outsider, and he quickly shut the casket and began to shovel dirt back onto it. He listened carefully, waiting for any signs of the old Poppy.

"I feel....hungry."

Phil looked up suddenly at her tone, she stared around James at Phil a sweet smile on her face. James shifted slightly so that he was standing in front of Phil.

"Don't worry. I'll teach you to hunt soon."

Poppy smiled a toothy smile in response. "Okay."

The implication of what James was saying sank in and Phil had to look away. He shovelled more dirt more vigorously. He was so intent on his task that he didn't notice James jumping down to help him.

They worked in silence while Poppy stood above watching their work with interest, a slight distant look on her face as if she were listening to music.

They finished and the trio began the trek back to the car. Phil and James with the weight of guilt upon them. Poppy bounced along beside them, loving the feel of the moon on her skin and the interesting sounds she was hearing. She felt slightly annoyed that James had curtailed her desire to jump the blonde guy.

"He's your brother,' a voice said in her head. The trouble was all her senses said he was dinner and Poppy, being a new vampire found restraint very, very difficult. A new thought came to her, or perhaps it was an old thought that had just permeated her consciousness. 'He's James's."

The claim hadn't been staked as it were, Poppy knew but the territorial way in which James was keeping her as far away from Phil as possible, the way his shoulder almost touched Phil's in small brushes. Despite what her body was telling her she could still feel the hint of the bond they shared. She glanced at Phil, covered in dirt, and tired looking.

The car sat at the pavement. Phil headed towards it. James and Poppy followed it.

Poppy bolted into the backseat as soon as James opened the door, eager to get moving, eager to experience this whole new world. She peered out of the window at the two boys her wonderful ears allowing her to eavesdrop easily.

"I'll take you back and then..." James broke off meaningfully and Poppy took it to mean that he would teach her to hunt.

Phil nodded "Okay, Okay."

The wrong things were being said and even though Poppy couldn't hear the right words she knew that they weren't being said. She frowned. Boys were stupid.

Poppy counted the seconds that the two boys stood on the pavement not moving. Finally Phil drew away and climbed into the passenger seat. James sighed, only loud enough for Poppy to hear before sliding into his seat for the long drive home.


	5. The first day of my new life

Poppy stared at her reflection, noting the newness of her old features. She felt better after feeding from a nice girl downstairs. Poppy wondered whether she should repay her in some way, money seemed...wrong but maybe she could get her something, something that said 'thanks for being an after dinner snack, maybe we can be friends'

She felt better when she had changed into her old clothes, felt a little more like herself, helped to remember her human self. She wasn't quite sure where she fit into the world anymore, didn't know where she belonged.

Looking in the mirror helped, her features had been enhanced but she knew herself, she recognised herself.

Shedding the dress she was shedding the last of her human self. She was someone new, someone ready to face whatever came next.

She walked back into the bedroom and paused nervously at the foot of the bed. She hadn't been to James's apartment before and suddenly she felt apprehensive. James lay back against the mattress, his eyes shut and his arm was flung over his face. Poppy softly sat on the edge of the bed and cautiously swung her legs onto the bed. She stared at the ceiling, she wouldn't sleep tonight but she was happy to lie here with James.

"You okay?"

Poppy started at James's sleepy voice. She turned to face him, not sure how to answer the question.

"I think so." Poppy said slowly, "It's just hitting me that I can't go home, that everyone's at home right now, not even a mile away."

"Poppy" There was a gentle warning in James's voice. Poppy pulled herself together, shaking herself mentally. She wanted to prove to James she could cope with everything; she didn't want to be a burden.

"I know I can't go back."

The words make it real and Poppy felt a heavy weight settle in her stomach, she knew it would never leave her but she could live with it. There was no choice.

James nodded seriously and gently patted her on the arm. "I know it hurts, Poppy but you can make it."

Poppy glanced down at the sheets, trying to gather her courage. James had always been straight with her-or as straight as he could. She knew him better then anyone, but she didn't know how he would react to her question.

"You know when you shared blood with me the last time? I kind of....peeked."

James's gaze remained steady, waiting.

"I saw...about Phil."

James rolled over onto his back. Poppy propped herself onto her elbow and leaned over him.

"I'm sorry James I didn't mean to look."

"It's not your fault." James said, his tone was even, he was covering, Poppy could tell, brushing her off with an easy smile.

"It's a misunderstanding, that's all." James said dismissively , his eyes closed. Poppy stared at his face in consternation. The things she had seen in James's head, the bond she had sensed, however tentative was something that couldn't be a misunderstanding. It was perhaps the realest thing she had experienced.

"James."

"I've got some phone calls and things to do tomorrow, you're gonna have to stay inside for a while, you can't be seen out and about" James continued. He patted her hand gently.

"Are you gonna call Phil?"

"No. And neither can you." His tone was a warning. He opened his eyes and stared at her intently. "I know Phil knows what's going on but the line has been drawn, you can't have any contact with your family."

Poppy flopped onto her back, the pain washing over her in waves. In some part of her mind she had hoped that at least she could see Phil, if only one more time, he was still her twin, the other part of her.

James shook her ankle gently, Poppy managed to surface from her misery to give a quick, miserable nod.

She shut her eyes, she felt James lay down again, body relaxing against the sheets, and Poppy rolled herself into a ball, facing away from James, it was the only way she had the courage to say what she needed to.

"I've burned all my bridges because I had no choice, but you're doing it out of fear."

"I'm not afraid of Phil" The scorn in James's voice made her spine straighten, the old arguments between the boys was just as annoying when she was undead as it had been when she had been alive.

"You need to suck up your pride and stop being a jerk. Remember who you're talking to" Poppy said decisively, she pulled the covers over her shoulder, shutting James out completely.

James woke up early, The fight with Poppy had left a bitter taste in his mouth. He hated fighting with Poppy, she had been his best friend for so long. He could fight with almost anyone else but Poppy was the person he relied on without even knowing it. She showed him how to be human. James slid out of bed his expression souring. He knew why he felt so bad. Poppy was right, she had reached the heart of the problem and had called him on it; and in this, everything he was, all his skills, all of his strength meant nothing. Getting down to the rock of the problem was that he didn't like the fact that a human had left him breathless, that he could see inside the heart of him, all his training, all of the skills he had acquired while living with humans had been for nothing. For years Phil had sensed something off about James, he had always put it down to jealousy and an over protective brother instinct but looking back, Phil had known that somehow James was wrong and instead of embracing his difference like Poppy he had rejected him. James had the horrible feeling that the animosity that had existed between them had hidden a much deeper and scarier thought. That this attraction had not just appeared overnight, not a mistake borne of pressure and sacrifice and fear but that it was years in the making, getting stronger as Phil and James attempted to deny it. James laughed mirthlessly. He didn't think Phil would appreciate the irony. So as it turned out James was in a deeper mess then he originally thought. He could pass Poppy off as his best friend, a casual dalliance, vampires and witches and shapeshifters had human friends all the time for various reasons, many weren't virtuous, but he was used to playing the part, but Phil brought more dangers, not least the most human of prejudices, homophobia.

He had done everything right, had followed procedure to the letter, there should be no loose ends now. Poppy's death was tragic if natural, he was completely blameless; he knew he would have a few more audiences with his parents in the next few days. His lips twisted, his parents were practiced telepaths and he hated to admit it but he didn't think he could keep Phil out of his mind. Wherever he turned Phil was there, a familiar scent, the shade of blonde, and even Poppy...Poppy had Phil's eyes. James felt his insides twist every time he looked into Poppy's eyes and wished they were Phil's.

He knew Poppy wouldn't keep her promise not to contact her family, he couldn't blame her. He felt no attachment to his family that he could think of, he had cousins littered across the States and a few in Europe but they weren't close. He hated that he was drawing Poppy from a warm, loving human home and giving her a cold, isolated world full of secrets.

A question seared across his mind like a brand.

If it had been Phil would he have turned him?

There was no turning away from the question and it spawned more.

Would Phil have let him?

Would have things changed between them?

James hung his head. Burning bridges were right.


	6. Lines

James mentally braced himself before he opened the door. He had rehearsed this a hundred times, knowing how important it was for Poppy's safety...and Phil's. "James shut the thought down before it could take root along with all the other hundreds of thoughts that would get him killed should his parents pick up on them."

"James," his mother floated towards him, the picture of elegance. James submitted to her embrace and allowed her to tug him towards the living room.

"How are you?"

James tested the air, feeling for the implications hidden underneath his mother's professional exterior.

"I'm fine Mom."

"I heard about Poppy," his mother continued. James relaxed his jaw with effort, hoping to project calm nonchalance into his aura.

"It's sad but it happens. Human's are really fragile."

"I know how much you cared about her," his mother continued. He could feel her brush his mind, gently probing at his thoughts. He allowed it, knowing any attempt to block her would raise suspicion.

He felt her withdraw, but he didn't allow his cover to slip. "I suppose I should find a new friend now"

"If you need to talk..." His mother persisted.

James shook his head. "She's dead, Mom, there's nothing to talk about. Honest. Human's die all the time, I guess they're a bit like hamsters."

He wondered if he had gone too far with the last remark, but his mother's attention was already moving on. The interview was over and James gratefully stood to leave.

"Your cousin Ash is coming to stay for a few days next week," his mother informed him as he reached the door. James felt his whole body freeze, he didn't particularly like Ash at the best of times but now, with Poppy hiding at his apartment it was unthinkable.

"No, Mom, I'm really busy..."

"James, Ash is your cousin," she cleared her throat delicately. "And I think you could use some company you're alone too much." James heard the implication in her tone, the one that said he was alone with humans too much. Too tired to argue, James shook his head and headed for the door, hoping that he could find a way to avert this disaster before it hit. Ash took pleasure in spicing things up, he'd love screwing with James's life far too much.

The sunlight pierced into his forehead, making him frown behind his heavy glasses. When he thought he saw a way out of the tunnel something else seemed intent on knocking him back down the rabbit hole.

His cell phone buzzed and he automatically answered it; without checking caller ID

"James?"

The voice was familiar but for a moment James couldn't place it.

"James," the voice came again, a little more forceful this time and now James knew who it was. Turned out he had even less time then he thought.

"Ash" He didn't try to keep the dislike out of his tone.

"I need to talk to you."

"Look Ash, now's not a great time for you to be coming—"

"It's important," the tone had changed again, and James stopped cold in the middle of the sidewalk at the change. He had thought he knew his cousin, knew every angle he would try to get one over on someone, but this inflection of tone was something else. Ash sounded almost scared.

"About what?" James asked before he could stop himself.

"Is the line secure?"

James knew what he was asking. Despite having a building to himself, his parents kept tabs on him pretty diligently, they were increasingly worried about his interactions with Poppy and the implications it would have on Night World law but James was fairly certain his phone service was free of his parents influence.

"Yes."

"It's about me."

James almost laughed. Everything always revolved around Ash in some manner or other, mostly because Ash loved making drama in every situation. It was nothing new that Ash assumed that any conversation they had would inevitably come back to him.

"What about you?"

Ash was clever and he knew night world law by heart, it was unlikely that Ash was in any real danger. He flirted at the edges of breaking the rules but James knew he was a firm upholder of Night World law and that he hated humans. Two things in Ash's favour that were set against James.

Ash blew out a long breath and James waited impatiently.

"I joined Circle Daybreak."

The world shifted underneath James feet and for a moment he almost stumbled. He looked around furtively but could sense no other Night people in earshot. He hurried his pace a little; long strides that would take him back to the apartment in the quickest time.

"What?"

"I'm not saying it again," Ash said and there was a hint of his old impatience in his voice.

"When?" James asked, trying to keep his questions monosyllabic until he could be sure he would not be overheard.

"About two months ago"

"Why?"

"Long story," Ash hedged.

It could be a trap, James reasoned with himself, his parents could have smelled a rat with his story and decided to use his cousin as bait. But then who would believe that Ash Redfern would join Circle Daybreak, a witch circle devoted to harmony with humans. He had heard rumours of the circle being reintroduced, underground whispers but he had never believed them and now Ash was saying he was part of it the vampire's ultimate vampire?

"Ash look-"

"I get that you don't believe me," Ash said quickly, "I don't really believe it either, even after all this time but its true."

Truth had always been relative with Ash.

"I don't believe you."

Ash let out another sigh, one that was as close to resignation as James could ever remember hearing from his cousin.

"If I come will you at least listen to me?" Ash pressed.

James took the phone away from his ear. He couldn't have Poppy at his house if Ash was going to turn up it would be far too dangerous but where else could he send her?

The answer came with shocking clarity and James was speaking even before he had made up his mind entirely.

"Give me two hours."

He cut the connection and entered the new number before he had chance to speak. As the dial tone rang he felt his heart kick against his ribs in something like anticipation.

"Hello?"

For a few moments James allowed the timbre of the voice to wash over him, he hadn't realized how much he had missed it, how much he had craved it in the short hours they had been separated. He and Phil had spent much of the last few waking hours together and the loss of it almost floored James.

"Phil."

The pause on the other end of the line seemed endless. James could hear the jackhammering of Phil's heartbeat, could feel the rush of air leaving him as if he too had been sucker punched.

"Are you okay?"

James knew he meant was Poppy okay but couldn't say it out loud in case he was overheard.

"She's fine."

"Then why are you calling me?"

"I need a favour."

Despite everything that had happened between them, it burned James's pride to ask Phil for help.

"I have someone coming and he can't see Poppy."

"Family?"

He knew by the tone of Phil's voice that he meant 'Another Vampire' it surprised him how easily he could read between the lines of their conversation.

"Yes."

"Phil?"

A tremulous voice appeared on the phone link and James closed his eyes. Poppy's mother. Damn.

"Phil, who is on the phone?"

"It's James," Phil's voice was slightly unsteady and suddenly James could imagine the hell Phil was going through, knowing Poppy was alive while having to comfort his mourning mother.

"James?"

James forced himself to remain focused.

"Hello Mrs North."

"How are you?"

James wished he could stake himself right there and then. Poppy's mother anguish sliced into him more cleanly then any wood. She was grieving the loss of her daughter and she was still taking the time to comfort him. He had never felt as low as he did right then.

"I'm...okay"

"Good....that's good. Take care of yourself James, I know you loved Poppy and..."

"Mom," that was Phil's voice, strong yet compassionate, taking over his mother's voice on the phone. There was silence on the other end and James counted the seconds until finally Phil came back onto the line.

"Sorry about that."

"No, I'm glad I got to speak to her," James said, "tell her..."

"I know."

It was as close as they were going to get to admitting anything and they both knew it.

"So Poppy" James said when he could speak, trying to keep on track of the conversation.

"I'll take care of it" Phil promised.

"Can you come to my apartment?"

A thousand implications roared through James's head, the thought of having Phil in his apartment, in his territory filled a hungry aching part of him. He remembered the angry words he had thrown at Phil that night when he had come to see him, how he had demanded that Phil never come to his apartment again. He wondered if Phil remembered

There was a strain bearing down on him as he waited until Phil responded and when he did the ice in his tone set James's teeth on edge.

"Fine. I guess there's somewhere I can take her that no one else will know about," Phil said at last. "How long?"

James thought about Ash's brief phone call and the gaping logic holes in his story and how long it would take for James to hear him out.

"I don't know. I'll call you when it's safe to come back, okay?"

James made himself believe he wasn't creating another reason to get Phil on the phone, to hear his voice once more. Phil muttered an affirmative and then there was silence. Even over the phone the connection between the buzzed as if there was static on the line. James felt the insistence tug to go, to be in motion, to be where Phil was and damn the consequences. The hunger that welled inside of him was deeper than any bloodlust he could recall. Phil drove him to the very brink of his control and he knew he did the same to the ever controlled human. But with the lust there was the quiet. The blank of James's mind where he didn't have to hide, or pretend even to himself. He simply was.

James scowled. This was getting dangerous. With every encounter it was getting harder and harder to break loose from the hold that Phil had over him and James hated being controlled by anyone.

"Just come and soon as you can," James rapped out

"Fine," Phil didn't even miss a beat in mimicking his tone and after a second the phone slammed down. James listened to dead air for thirty seconds before clenching his fist. The cell phone made a cracking sound as it broke in half.


	7. Lost souls

James was not surprised when he saw the small, almost invisable shape hidden amongst the trees outside the North family home. He had known that Poppy wouldn't be able to say goodbye to her family. Not yet. And as much as James didn't want to admit it, it gave him a reason to be outside Poppy's home.

"Poppy."

She didn't turn, her whole figure silent and still as stone. James wrapped his arms around her and squeezed, not longer having to measure his strentgh against the fragility of the human body. Poppy nestled into his arms, tears rolling down her face.

"It's just so hard," she murmured.

"I know." But he didn't know, not really. He knew about being a vampire, the dark, lonely society Poppy had joined but he didn't know what it felt like to be wrenched away from those you loved. To watch them mourn you and be unable to mourn them in return.

"You're going to take me away, aren't you?"

Poppy's voice held a question but she already knew the answer. She knew she couldn't stay here, for her own sanity if not her safety. To be reminded of what she had lost, what she could never again have, her immortal life would not be worth living.

"It's the only way, Poppy."

"What about Phil?"

It was only through years of conditioning that stopped James' body reacting violently to the name. Instead he just tightened his grip on Poppy. If she had been human she would have had a broken arm.

"Phil has to get on with his life now, he doesn't want anything to do with the night world" He told himself that because he had to.

"But how can he know about the night world, about me and just go on living like a normal human?"

"Phil can't just disappear into the night, Poppy. And even if he could what about your parents, do you want them to have to grieve Phil as well as you?"

Poppy felt her gut clench. Phil was everyone's last unyielding hope. She believed that Phil would help her mother move on with her life in time, but if she lost both of her twins... no, it would be unbearable. But could she live without Phil?

And could James?

"Where will be go?"

"Vegas. There's a place for people like you, where you will be safe."

"Can I say goodbye to Phil first?"

"Poppy..."

"Look I'll never see him again, I won't ever come back to this town or visit my parents and in a few years Phil will go to college and I'll lose him forever. I just need to say goodbye."

James nodded once.

Poppy had known it would be difficult to say goodbye but this felt closer to impossible. She wished fleetingly for that one pure moment of adrenaline when she had first awoken as a vampire, when Phil had been nothing more than a possible snack. Now she felt as if part of her was being wrenched away.

Phil's jaw was so tight she feared he may sprain something but he looked so handsome and noble. She allowed herself only the briefest of hugs, knowing that if she lingered she would never let him go, and then she fled into the apartment.

James and Phil were left standing in the last of the sunshine, neither knowing what to say. James felt the pressure build behind his eyelids, that drawn that made him want Phil with such ferocity that it almost eclipsed blood lust.

"Phil..."

"Let's not. Okay?" Phil bit out, it sounded like each word was forced out between clenched teeth.

'I have to' James thought but he kept his mouth shut.

"Take care of Poppy. And yourself." The last was an afterthought.

Phil wanted to ask where they were going but couldn't make himself say the words, he had to cut himself off completely, he couldn't let himself have an opening, any knowledge because he didn't trust himself with the infomation. And it wasn't all because of Poppy.

With supreme effort Phil walked away, he got to the corner of his street before he was forced to stop, his vision becoming cloudy. He wiped his eyes but there were no tears only a feeling of bereavement so intense it sucked the air from his lungs. He had a feeling that this feeling was going to last.


End file.
